5/1/14

Feeling off my game today.

A very young friend of mine....friendly acquaintance perhaps...had a horrible accident and might not be the same ever again.  Head injury.  He was someone who inspires me and reminds me of the love and peace in the world.

I found out because a good friend called to let me know how she found out about the accident (she and he are closer) and was very upset.  Both about the incident and how the news and details transpired.

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A different friendly acquaintance was not accepted into an event that I did two years ago and loved.  He, of course, has sour grapes.  I totally get that.  But I'm trying not to read the comments about it, because I want my experience with the event to remain untarnished.

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I run really slow.  REALLY SLOW.  I did a 5k at a race a few weeks ago.  Finished in 1:06.  My previous best 5k (in November 2011) was 0:48.  I'll get back there, but it's not gonna be anytime real soon.  And it's making me not want to race at all.  And I'm not sure how I feel about how I feel about that.

My feelings about my feelings are very complicated.

And annoying.

I don't want to always be last.  I really enjoy running.  But being last and always the slowest (which translates to worst whether anyone likes it or not) makes me feel bad about myself.  I've got enough going on in life that makes me feel bad---I don't want something I love to do to make me feel bad, too. 

And I'm kinda getting tired of going to races I can't run.  I'm barely trained for a 5k, and so many of the trail races we go to start at 10k.  And I'm not sure how I feel---but it's not entirely good---about how race-oriented running has become for most/all of my running friends.  

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Bah. Humbug.